Monday, December 13, 2010

I've Hung A Wish On Every Star

I have a lot to say in this blog, and it's not going to make any sense.
First of all, I am legitimately freaking out. My phone is certifiably MIA and I want to cry about it. HOPEFULLY it's somewhere in this disaster pit of despair I call home, and NOT in Ty's minivan in California. If it's in Ty's van then I won't get to see it until the end of January... Why? because he's in Washington, then China, then Washington, and then Cali and then he'd have to ship it-if he'd be so kind.
And so I rose from my bed at 2:30 to come down in look for it. But I get this awful feeling it's not in here. Also I cannot sleep. And you know what? I'm just going to say the thoroughly obnoxious, slap-inducing reason as to why I have temporary insomnia (Kirsten, roll your eyes all you want): I cannot CANNOT cannot cannot stop beating myself up over something that happened OVER a month ago. See? That's how utterly stupid I am. I literally think about it everyday, smile because most of the memories are so happy, and then get depressed all over again because oh yeah, the person consuming my thoughts doesn't give a shiz anymore.
For example, last night I had a dream that I had my phone (imagine my frustration when I awoke with no phone), and that this certain someone had just sent a text that he was on his way over. TWO things that were great, but 'only just a dream'. I am seriously cringing just thinking about Kirsten's thoughts and expressions if she reads this.
But seriously, I have no idea why I'm the most pathetic person ever (shut up Kirsten.) We knew each other for 7 weeks tops. 7. Freaking. Weeks. I should not be having this sort of reaction. No I have not been reclusive, I have gone on PLENTY of dates since, and had plenty of good times since, but it's ALWAYS in the back of my mind. Constantly. Without fail. It's really annoying actually that someone had that great of an impact on me. Seriously. I wonder 'what if' all the time. What if I had said this? What if this third person didn't completely ruin everything? What if I hadn't been overly passionate and done that? And I'm positive I would be doing loads better if he would just say that we wouldn't ever see each other again, because we won't, but what if? Tooooooo bad he'll never say that. We haven't talked since then. And I can't bring myself to talk to him for fear that I'll be 'one of those girls'. Yeah you know the ones I'm talking about. I think it's hitting me so hard because I have honestly NEVER felt that way in my entire life before. Oh well.
Okay sorry to anyone who just read that. That was way immature and super obnoxious.
Anyway. I hope I don't have to work tomorrow-I have this headache that will not go away. I just want time to fast forward to next Monday so that I can go home.
Ty came over this weekend. It was a lot of fun! I miss that Chinese Spy! We watched part of Inception, ate at Biaggi's, saw Morning Glory, went shopping, went to Antelope Island (where I dropped my phone in the great salt lake), and that's about it..... But yeah! I love you Ty! It was a lot of fun!
Tonight Andrew convinced me Kirsten and Kelsey to go to Denney's at midnight, along with a billion other college students. It was awkward and the food was horrible. But I guess in a way it was alright.
Oh yesterday we had our KAHK Christmas! It was a secret santa thing. Ali got me the Porn For Women calendar!! YES! Chocolate, and this mascara I have been wanting. Kirsten got Ali VS panties, a necklace and chocolate. Kelsey got Kirsten a hat, gloves, a purse, and the same perfume I had that she used all but an 8th of. And I got Kelsey two scarves, PINK perfume, tights, a headband, panties, and a hair tie ball. It was splendid! On Wednesday all 7 of us roomies are going out to dinner. Kirsten leaves on Thursday, forever :(
I MISS HIM!!! Grr. Frag out. Okay I am officially done with this blog.
"I've had so many words, but I had no courage. Now we're saying goodbye, don't want to miss you tonight. Tell me it's not over now, I can change your mind somehow. I give it all, I trip and fall, for you. And I hope you wouldn't mind, just one more try for something new. I need you, I need you." -He Is We
Now that this blog is a definite sob story, goodnight.

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